You and Me

My current favourite picture of 'us' is not the traditional one with both of us looking at the camera
It is not artsy fartsy or featuring some great landscape as a background.
I am not too sure of the originality of the idea.
But the reason I love it is because this is exactly us:
Us doing stuff together, me doing something extra and goofy, and him looking indulgingly.

Happy corners

Mom's piano, with her very European table cloth and some select knick knacks on top. And flowers!

Somehow between No 1's very long summer holiday and my aim of bringing the glass butter dish, this Mama managed to end up spending next to 4 months away from home.
It was supposed to be a 'holiday', which got tacked with all kinds of objectives
From learning Indonesian for No.1, spending time with Kiddos' remaining grandparents, travelling on the grandparents' whims, and of course, for Mama, tidying up my parents' house.

Objectives or not, 4 month is a long period to be away from home
So to prevent this Mama from going batty, I resorted to creating 'happy corners' wherever I went
Corners to gain my sanity, to be centered and regain whatever purpose to do whatever I needed to do

Tidy, bright workspace, with full stock of stationeries, a charging station, and my entertainment centre!

In the midst of chaos (or 'alien' organization systems), I just need a corner that 'work' for me. In the first picture, the top of the piano was a tidy and beautiful space that refreshes my eye and showing me that things can still be neat and beautiful despite the chaos around it. Add the speaker, the space became 'useful' too!
The desk where I worked had to 'work' according to my definition. It might be utilitarian, but it has enough light, fully stocked stationary station, accessible power points, and enough breathing space to make it feel spacious and uncluttered.

Natural light flooding the space where No 2 is playing dangerously at the spiralling staircase. Huh.

Although Kiddos can be quite a nuisance in cleaning up, she can also provide a good distraction. Sun light was another spirit booster. Mom had always love-well lit space.

Beautiful candles and linen from Mom's collection. Dad kept candles burning in her memory for days, but for me it was more of using up Mom's collection while also honouring Mom & Dad's memory.

Mom collected so many things, and we had to let go of most of them. Although I do kept select pieces of Mom's stuff, it was also a good feeling to be able to use them while I was in residence.

Long after the Holiday, the clean up process was not an easy task. I guess such emotional process is full of guilt traps, but these pictures help me to deal better with it.

A Glass Butter dish

... would probably join me on the trip home from this visit to my (late) parents' house.

We said goodbye to Papa last December.

After about a year battling with melanoma, he had finally succumbed to his body's limitation not long before Christmas. Since then, my parents' little house had lain empty except for the housekeeper coming to clean everyday. With Kecil out of school for the time being, we are finally getting an opportunity to clean my parents' personal effects and get the house ready for its next use.
Which brought me to the glass butter dish.

For as long as I can remember, Papa had always had bread for breakfast at home.
Not just any kind of bread. We had this sandwich maker thing that makes triangular hot sandwiches, and usually his would be filled with butter, sugar and cheese.
Up to the days when he got sick, this combination was still his staple for breakfast.

Through the years he went through different kinds of bread, different kinds of cheese, but there is always the butter. Perhaps not always the same brand, but always, butter, the slightly salted one.

It's funny how he sticks to butter all those years when margarine was a more popular alternative (not to mention more affordable and accessible).
Somehow I don't think it was a real health concern as much as it was about the taste and texture.
He even got it back in the days when we were still living in the boonies before the age of big supermarkets everywhere. It must have been one of my parents main objectives during their monthly trip to Jakarta, as told by my nanny.

Another thing I notice about the butter for Papa's breakfast was that it was always beautifully soft and spreadable at the breakfast table. No too soft it was messy, but just enough for it to be spreadable.
I plead guilty of demolishing God-knows how many slices of bread just with that beautiful butter. It's simply so good. Soft salted butter. Goodness me.
And for the longest time, I was not quite sure how he did it. I figured... maybe the household staff did it? Took out the butter when they woke up early so it would be nice and soft by breakfast time?
It was only during my penultimate stay at the tiny house with Daddy that I finally figured out that when he woke up in the early hours to pee, he would also go to the fridge to take out the butter.

Daddy and his butter. Sigh.

The glass butter dish only appeared at the table quite late. In the early days, I think I remembered a plastic dish set, complete with its own butter knife. The glass one does not have a knife, but it sure is easier to clean and classier than the plastic one.
I am not too sure of its place in Dad's universe, that butter dish. I don't even know if it was a gift, or if Mom bought it for Dad or what.
But these I know for sure.

This daughter, also love her butter, and so, the dish would definitely get some use with me.
And while it goes on being useful, it will remind me of Dad.
Daddy and his breakfast
Daddy and his butter

Papa.

Be well, Papa.

It's been more than a year ....

.... since we said goodbye to our beloved friend, sister, wife, Mama, Oma, teacher and the so many things that Mama had been to us.

In the days that followed the funeral, I was privileged to have a peek into her cellphone unit, from whence came a different insight of Mom.

Like the fact that she loved flowers and plants of all varieties and kinds. The collage above might look full, but the fact was I still had to leave quite a bit untouched.

Then there was the flowers in church, not that I can blame her. We used to go to one of the most beautiful church in the vicinity, especially in the mornings when there are lots of natural light coming through the stained glass windows.

There were some food pictures, which kind of make me wonder how it would have been had Mom got connected into Instagram.

There were pictures of home, the view from the house, the stuff inside, as well as the orchids which took the place of pride on the front patio.

But personally, I think the best bunch would be the 'selfies'.

Granted, these are not selfies in the strictest sense (she did not seem to take those pics themselves), but, combined with the rest of the 'intstagram feed', they definitely offered glimpses into her daily routine, with better insight compared to the occasional pictures I have of her, most of which happened during 'special occasions'.

As active as she was before her sickness got the better of her, we all have faith that Mom would not be sitting still even in her after life, and with this faith, we do let her go, knowing that she's already in 'better hands'.

Take care, Mom.....

This post was supposed to come out on Mom's one year death anniversary last June, but somehow I didn't manage to quite write the final part, so it had languished in the draft folder for months. Just as it was past long time to let Mom go, I do need to let this post go, imperfect as it is, as a good enough memorial for my mother. I believe that there are better legacies of my mother in the form of people who made it through life, inspired by her example and work, and all I am doing is simply to shed some light into some part of her life that many may not know. I am happy with that. This is the Mom that exasperated me a lot, who raised me to be who I am today, whom I love, whom I know tried her best. Love you, Mom. Cheers.

On a sentimental note ....

This note had been languishing in Kecil's blog draft box for the longest time. It was a true sentiment (and still is!), but just somehow out of place, until I remember this other blog, a much better place to share this. I hope you enjoy it.

Lately, Kecil's been so busy, she fell asleep not too long after Mama tucked her in bed.

But there are also days,
When she went on full steam right to the very last minute,
Jumping, tumbling, screaming, and generally wreaking havoc,
Especially on Mama's already frayed nerves and aching muscles
(She jumped on me, and she's heavy, so yes, frayed nerves and aching muscles I DO have)
And that last minute seem to always be the next, and the next and the next...
And this Mama felt like roaring, sometimes simply ignoring the Kiddo, while longing for the peace I know would happen once this Little One is asleep,
If only it would happen soon ....

Until suddenly ...
All is quiet...
Except for a beautiful sound of a steady breathing ....
And her hand slowly unclenched ...
Releasing the finger she had held so tight, unwilling to let go...

I wrote before of magic that happen once those beautiful eyes closed.
It is still there, the magic.
There was the quiet, the sense of wonder, the awe, the amazement...
A tinge of disbelief, even, that I should have this privilege,
Of such a beautiful creature,
an inquisitive and quick mind,
Fast feet and nimble hands.

And suddenly I am reminded of all the wrongs that I have done against this innocence,
Who had been, after all, simply asking for my time, my attention, my guidance.

And so, as I gently ease my hand away,
I took a deep breath, and made a personal promise,
That I will do better tomorrow,
That we will spend more time together,
That I will listen carefully to all your questions,
And answer them to the best of my ability, rather than simply answering to stop the barrage of questions,
That I will teach and guide you,
So that, hopefully, you'll reach your full potential,
And more.
Oh, so much more.

Sleep tight, and sweet dreams, my child.

Oma

From the moment she was diagnosed with tumour, and, later on, multiple myeloma, I had known that the clock was ticking.
I have always wanted to take a picture of her, my mom.
One good picture, how hard could it be?

Harder than I thought, for sure.
Back in the old house, there wasn't just enough good lighting.
Then there was the clutter, even in the new house (although it sure had some nice light there).
Then there was the unwilling subject.
She was simply not comfortable in front of the camera, and still a student of photography that I am, I would not want to invade her privacy if she does not want to have her picture taken.

Luckily that day I was just trying out, and I got that pic up there.

Not that I really thought it was a gem at first. I did not even look at the pic beyond the quick check on the camera's screen.
Because a mere 2 days after the picture was taken, her condition took a turn for the worse.
And worse and worse and worse.
Until one morning, she was simply gone in her sleep.

I looked in vain for that one good picture for her funeral.
The best was from my wedding ceremony, a good 6 years back, when the two of us was photographed while waiting for the taxi that will take us to the venue.
Hardly the most recent picture of Mom, I'd say.

So it was a good many days after that I finally found the picture above,
With all its beautiful (tinted) light, the clutter, the somewhat awkward smile,
But hey, it was Mom, all right.

Mom at her 'command center' at the new house, where she would sit and enjoy the light,
Away from the flow of the wind blowing into the house,
Close to all the things she needed, her meds, hot water, food, entertainment,
Her stuff populating the glass shelves installed against the window frame behind her,
It was, indeed, the very essence of Mom during those final days.

It would seem, then, that I had indeed gotten that one good picture of her, after all,
Something to remember her by,
Not a picture of someone who was sick, who was helpless,
But Mom who was full of spirit, despite all her sickness, her weakness
Smiling, looking happy....

I'd like to think she would be happy too, to be remembered thus.

Be well, Mom.

I've gotten into the habit of calling Mom 'Oma' since that is what my little girl calls her. It kind of help cleared the confusion since Kecil calls me 'Mama', the very title that I used to call my Mom.

Travelling with the old phone

The old Samsung phone might be almost 6 years old (or more, I'm not too sure anymore), but it's still working.
It does not have a QWERTY keyboard (which makes texting horribly difficult), nor wifi (which kinds of make it a dumb phone), yet whenever I travel overseas, this is the phone that I would bring.
And that shot up there is the reason why.

I am not too sure if Samsung still do this, but when I got this phone, the default 'theme' was this theme, which features the city skyline/famous landmark of the country you are in. I believe the display changes according to the information pulled from the local network. When there is no network available, it will just show a plain field under the blue sky.

Even better, the display also changes according to the time of the day. At night, the sky would turn dark, and the buildings (if there is any) will be lit accordingly.
The wonder does not stop there. Should there be any text message, depending on your settings, it would first vibrate/beep/make the message notification sound. On the display, there might be either an airplane pulling a streamer across the sky (in the afternoon setting) or fireworks (night setting).
I mean, how cool is that?

But of course, the point with bringing the phone overseas has more to do with picture than other whistle and bells.
So Singapore (where I bought the phone) was represented by the Merlion. No surprises, although I could have sworn there used to be the Esplanade building behind as well.
Hong Kong, the Hong Kong island skyline.
Malaysia, KL's Petronas twin towers.
Also no pictured here was Indonesia (Budha statue from Borobudur Temple. Quite an interesting choice given the majority of the population is Muslim), and US (Liberty Statue, what else?).

Then come the last picture...

Any guesses? I did idly wondered about what the picture will be when I was coming here. So... well... I guess they ARE supposedly quite famous for their beaches.
Well... anyway, if you still can't tell, try placing your mouse over the image for the answer.

As for me, I am still wondering how long this phone would last me. After all, I do wonder what kind of pics would they pick to represent so many other countries.